Nobody Knows (Razes Hell Book 1) Read online

  “Should we all be sitting so close together?” I asked, trying to force myself to eat the spaghetti bolognese in front of me. My throat had closed up and I felt sure I’d puke if I swallowed another mouthful. “I mean, you’re not supposed to be seen together off stage.”

  “It’ll be fine, Ells,” Drew said. “This place is packed. We have no choice but to share a table.”

  He gave my knee a reassuring squeeze which helped a little. I moved my foot closer to his in lieu of being able to hold his hand.

  “This was a big night. You can’t share that kind of moment and not feel a bit closer.” Jason leaned across the table and reached for my hand. “Lighten up. We’re supposed to be celebrating.”

  I forced a smile, and pulled away before Drew’s insecurities had a chance to spring up again. I could already feel his irritation levels rising.

  “You know,” Jason began, “we’re lucky to still have Ellie in our lives. Most people would have run away screaming by now.”

  “Most people haven’t known you as long as I have. Whatever happens, I’ll always remember you when you were two little guys playing basketball in the back garden.”

  “That’s how we met, right?”

  “Yes. We played a lot of basketball that summer.”

  “And had lots of snowball fights in the winter.”

  “What’s with all the reminiscing?” Drew asked, his voice cold.

  “I’m just thinking about how far we’ve come. We’ve been through a lot, the three of us. Not many people would stick with us the way Ellie has.”

  “Not true. Anyone who calls themselves a friend would stand by you through anything.”

  “Like when I was using drugs?”

  “Yes. Like then.”

  Beside me, Drew stiffened, and another weird look passed between the brothers. “Ellie’s pretty special that way.”

  The strain hit a peak as Jason’s eyes narrowed and locked onto Drew’s. “Is that why you’ve been sleeping together?”

  My stomach jolted, and my gaze shifted from Drew to Jason, and back again. The boys didn’t take their eyes off each other.

  What just happened? One minute we were reminiscing about the old days, the next Jason spat out our secret as if he was talking about the weather. Mack and Joey stopped eating; Mack watching us closely, Joey staring at us open-mouthed.

  “I knew it,” Drew said. “You’ve been throwing out weird comments all night. You knew.”

  “I knew. I was waiting to see if you were ever going to tell me.” He turned to me, anger dancing in his eyes. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

  “We didn’t...”

  “How did you find out?” Drew asked.

  “I saw you kissing outside your hotel room.”

  Again, my stomach lurched. Whatever reasons we had for keeping him in the dark suddenly seemed insignificant. There wasn’t only anger in his expression, but hurt too, and my insides twisted that we’d made him feel that way.

  “Jason, I-”

  “You don’t need to explain.” Drew took my trembling hand.

  “Like hell you don’t! You lied! Both of you lied to me!”

  “Keep your voice down,” Drew said sharply, as heads turned in our direction. The excited chatter in the room dulled to silence.

  “Keep my voice down?” Jason repeated, not lowering his tone. “Why? Don’t you want people to know you and Ellie have been screwing each other?”

  The unmistakable sound of camera clicks punctured the quiet, and I felt my cheeks flame because there was nothing I could do to stop it. The words had been spoken, and countless YouTube videos of this moment would be all over the internet within minutes. I didn’t think even Derek would be able to stop this, and to be truthful, he probably wouldn’t want to.

  “Jason, please.” My voice shook, panic taking hold. “Stop.”

  “Was it your idea not to tell me?” he demanded, fixing his glare on me.

  I shook my head. “We’re not doing this here.”

  “I want some answers!”

  So did everyone in the restaurant, judging by the glee on their faces. What the hell kind of society did we live in that it was okay to film private, excruciating moments for the world to see? What happened to privacy? Decency? Or at least pretending not to listen when people caused a scene? Now, phones were held high in the air as if we’d agreed to air our problems in public; not a single one of them trying to hide what they were doing.

  I stood up, and Drew rose with me. “We’ll talk later.”

  Jason got to his feet too, and grabbed Drew’s arm as we made to leave. “We’ll talk now!”

  The brothers stared at each other, locked in a silent mind game, and all I wanted was to get back to my room and put an end to this mortifying piece of performance art.

  “Jason,” I said. “Let’s go somewhere and talk about this.”

  “We’re not talking to him until he calms down.” Drew shrugged free of Jason’s grip.

  “Don’t walk away from me!”

  Again, my eyes flicked between the brothers. Both of them silently begged me to do different things, their eyes willing me to choose. I wanted to go with Drew, and leave Jason to cool off but we owed him an explanation. I was stuck in the one place I purposely never put myself because I couldn’t, wouldn’t, pick one over the other. Dating Drew didn’t mean I would suddenly turn my back on Jason, but if I didn’t, I knew exactly how Drew would react. Frustration rose inside me, followed by blinding panic because I knew neither of them would move until I made a choice.

  “Ellie, come on,” Drew said.

  “Yeah, Ellie. Do as he says. Now you’re with my brother, you don’t get to make your own decisions anymore.”

  “What the hell is that supposed to mean?” Drew snarled, letting go of my hand and turning back to Jason.

  “You’re so used to trying to run people’s lives, you can’t see you’re doing it! Ellie used to hate that about you. Your need to always be in control, but I guess things have changed.”

  The hurt on Drew’s face made my temper flare, and since the other diners were already getting a show, I yelled, “Stop! Jason, the reason we didn’t tell you is because up until a week ago there was nothing to tell. It’s new, and if you’d asked instead of turning this into a fight, we could have explained. If you want to talk, we’ll talk, but I’m not going to stay here and argue in front of a bunch of strangers!”

  I turned and left the bar, heading for the sanctuary of my room. My legs wobbled with every step because my outburst had pretty much sealed my fate as an online sensation.

  Jesus, why did Jason choose to blurt everything right out in the open? All he had to do was ask Drew privately, and none of us would have to worry about being the next morning’s headlines.

  Once inside my room, I kicked off my shoes and sat down on the edge of the bed, wondering if the guys were still fighting or if they’d separated, or gone elsewhere to talk. I probably shouldn’t have left them together, but I couldn’t stand to be the centre of attention any longer, and certainly couldn’t stand being stuck in the middle of their own personal feud.

  A gentle knock on the door answered my question. I figured it was Drew. Jason would have knocked a hell of a lot harder.

  The happiness Drew showed earlier was long gone, replaced with weariness. Forehead creased with worry, eyes filled with the stress of the last few weeks.

  I pulled him inside and slipped my arms around his waist. “Are you okay?”

  “You think I’m too controlling?”

  He asked the question without returning my embrace and I stepped back. “What?”

  “Jason said you hate how I always have to be in control. Is that what you think?”

  Unbelievable. Jason announced to the world that we’d been sneaking around together, and instead of worrying about how it might impact all of us, the only thing he heard was his brother’s anger-fuelled swipe at him.

  I shook my head. “I can’t believe you’re ask
ing me that.”

  “Why not? It’s a simple question.”

  “It’s a stupid question.” I walked across the room to the window and stared out into the night. The view of traffic and excited revellers made me wish I was outside with them, hiding amongst them and making the most of the last of my anonymity before I became the girl who broke the Brooks brothers.

  “It bothers me, Ells. That people see me that way. That you see me that way.”

  “I don’t. I saw you that way when I was a child and didn’t understand everything you had to do to keep your family together. But I grew up. We grew up.”

  “What are we gonna do now?”

  Tearing my gaze away from the busy streets, I turned to him. “There’s nothing we can do yet. We’ll wait until he’s calmed down and then we’ll explain everything.”

  “This isn’t going to be easy. It’s not only about us, it’s about me and him and... you and him.” Drew heaved a sigh, raking his hands through his hair. “I didn’t want this. I wanted us to be about us for a while. Before it became about Jason.”

  A small crack formed in my heart at his words. He looked defeated, as if Jason had won somehow. And he hadn’t. Not even close.

  “It hasn’t become about him. I wish things hadn’t happened the way they did, and I’m worried about how he took it. But us? We’re still us.”

  Drew shook his head. “Being with you was always going to change everything. But I wanted to be with you, nobody else involved, for as long as possible. I guess I’m selfish and I don’t want to share what we have yet.”

  A surge of warmth rushed through me. He wasn’t so good at sharing his feelings, but when the words came out, he meant them.

  I felt them.

  I wound my arms around him, resting my head in that place on his chest where I could breathe him in.

  “Nobody gets to share what we have. It’s ours, Drew. Just ours.”

  Drew’s heart beat a little faster when my fingers ran along the waistband of his jeans; his lips met mine before I could draw a breath. His kiss was always soft and intense, but there was so much more behind it this time. Like he was trying to throw aside his fears, and I was trying to prove he had nothing to be afraid of.

  And something bigger. Something neither of us was ready to say out loud yet.

  His hands, so gentle, bunched my shirt up at the sides until his fingertips lightly touched my skin, unmoving but full of intention.

  This time, I wasn’t embarrassed about the faint moan against his lips.

  I reached for the bottom of his t-shirt, pushing it up, forcing us apart to tug it over his head, and we fell, side by side, onto the bed.

  My breath hitched as my gaze travelled the length of his body. I’d never seen him this way before. I’d seen him shirtless, seen the look of hunger in his eyes, but never both at the same time.

  My man.

  I loved the broadness of his shoulders, and that he didn’t waste time waxing his chest or sculpting his body into what was supposed to pass for the ideal way for a guy to look. This was how a guy should look. The flaming drum kit tattooed on his left bicep added to the appeal; his one moment of rebellion etched onto his skin forever.

  “Ells?”

  A flicker of self-consciousness showed, but I wasn’t about to stop staring. Couldn’t. I hated that Lisa left him with the warped idea there was something wrong with him. Everything I saw was perfect.

  “I think,” I whispered, as my lips trailed kisses across his cheek, tasting him, from the top of his neck to the curve of his shoulder, “you’re amazing.” My fingers drifted down to his soft stomach, tracing patterns on his skin. When he smiled, I couldn’t hold it in.

  Didn’t want to.

  “I love you.”

  Drew’s arm banded around me, and he lifted me on top of him, shutting out all the space between us. The only sound was breathing; his heavy, mine shallow because he hadn’t spoken. His eyes softened, lips parted a little, but still no words came out. A second passed.

  Two.

  Three.

  The silence echoed in my ears.

  Too soon.

  Drew’s mouth moved against mine, silently telling me it wasn’t too soon. He pushed my hair out of my face, tucking it gently behind my ear.

  “I love you, too.”

  My body collapsed against his. I’d never been the clingy girl who needed to hear “I love you.” With Drew, I figured it would be a while. I didn’t realise how much I needed to hear it from him until the words were spoken.

  He laughed, softly. “You didn’t think I’d leave you hanging, did you?”

  “I thought you might because this is... it’s all-”

  Drew cut me off with another kiss. “It’s fast. But it’s right.” A devilish grin formed as he tugged at the bottom of my shirt. “Can I take this off now?”

  I nodded, and when his hands touched my back, my ability to speak disappeared. We shed our clothes with exploring, eager hands. Soft touches drifted across my curves; lips roamed freely over my skin causing whimpers of pleasure. I melted under his touch, moulding against him as if we’d been created to find each other so we could spend the rest of our lives doing this.

  Drew started to roll me onto my back, but I tightened my legs around him, maintaining my position on top. His eyes flashed with uncertainty, silently asking if I wanted to stop.

  “I like it up here.” I gently traced my fingers across his chest again, then dipped my head for a kiss.

  Relief replaced nervousness, and he ran his hands down to my ass, kissing me harder, hand moving in between my legs. I gasped as he flicked a finger inside me, and I pushed against it, wanting, needing more.

  I didn’t want to wait. I wanted to connect with him, to make every part of him mine.

  “Ells, are you… do we need to…?”

  His eyes glazed over as I slowly circled my tongue around his. “I’m on the Pill.”

  Least sexy sentence ever. If he’d been anyone else, I would have insisted on extra protection, but it was Drew. We knew each other’s sexual history; we had nothing to worry about.

  “Thank God,” he breathed, running his hands down my sides. “I don’t want to stop.”

  I closed my eyes, heart still hammering, readying myself to make him mine. To cross over the last line of friendship.

  I was so ready.

  Slowly, I lowered myself onto him, shivering as he slid inside for the first time.

  “Ellie, look at me.”

  His voice was low, and my eyes flickered open at his request. He watched me as I moved up and down on him, eyes unashamedly taking in every part. When his gaze met mine, it was as if he could see inside my mind, my heart; see everything I’d kept locked away for so long, because it wasn’t hidden anymore. It was me, showing him how much I wanted him, how much I needed to have him this close.

  And as he watched, I should have felt self-conscious. Exposed, and worried because maybe I wasn’t at the most flattering angle, or maybe my thighs showed hideous cellulite. But Drew wasn’t looking at any of that. His eyes were transfixed, as if my movements hypnotised him, tethering him to me.

  My breath quickened, and I felt it building inside. The moment I knew would make me fall harder. Drew’s hands tightened on my hips, and I quickened the pace; faster, faster. His eyes locked onto mine, holding me in place. Hands slid up my back, bending me towards his chest. My already erect nipples stiffened as they brushed against him, and when he took one between his fingers, I couldn’t stop from crying out. Sparks shot through me as he flicked and pulled, only gently, but enough to turn small shivers into trembles of pleasure.

  I was close, so close. My legs weakened, breathing shallowed, and every sensation I felt seemed to merge together, building, climbing, until I burst, exploding into a million pieces. Stars danced in front of my eyes, wave after wave rolled and crashed. Within seconds, Drew bucked his hips, twitching beneath me, inside me, calling out my name as I collapsed down onto him, hot, ov
erwhelmed.

  Exhilarated.

  I buried my head into Drew’s chest, listening to his pounding heart while trying to slow my own. Like an earthquake, I felt the aftershocks of the most intense orgasm I’d ever had sparking through my veins.

  God, I love him so much.

  Our skin was damp with sweat, but I snuggled in closer, not wanting to break the connection we’d built. Drew enveloped me in his arms, and leaned forward to kiss the top of my head.

  “I love you so much,” he whispered, as if he’d heard my thoughts.

  Aftershocks made way for butterflies and warmth, filling me from head to toe.

  “I love you, too. So much.”

  I closed my eyes, losing myself in him, safe in the knowledge that no matter what happened in the morning, this night was ours.

  Just ours.

  Don’t open your eyes.

  I heard the voice in my mind as I woke up, and for a moment, I took my own advice, afraid that when I allowed myself to re-enter the real world, the magic of the previous night would be snatched from me. I reached out, sure the only thing I’d touch would be empty space. Wrong. Drew was still sleeping beside me. I softly brushed my lips across his shoulder before resting my head against his chest.

  It really happened.

  I’d never let myself imagine how it would feel to sleep with Drew. Sure, my brain tried to take me there every time I watched him play a gig, or if he hugged me and his fingers lingered a bit too long on my waist. But I’d needed to block those thoughts out in order to look him in the eye without blushing. The real thing was better than anything I could have dreamt, and my pulse quickened at the memory.

  Like everything with Drew, sex was intense. I’d never felt more connected to another person. That awkward, first-time-with-someone-new thing didn’t exist between us. Instinct steered us in the right direction, drove us to know exactly what the other wanted, needed.

  Once was not enough.

  Drew’s hand trailed down my back, and he mumbled, “Good morning.”

  The corners of my mouth turned up as I lifted my head for a kiss. He met my lips without hesitation and I sank into him, memories of the night before still strong at the front of my mind.